I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
