The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
