I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I had to cum in my sink.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
