Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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