i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
