I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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