One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
