Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
