Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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