College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
