goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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