# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
