happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
