with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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