I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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