Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
