meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
