Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
