you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
