Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
