i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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