U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
