does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
