I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
