why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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