Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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