my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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