Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
