You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
