so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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