i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
