It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You work out of a Hotel?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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