question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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