Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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