That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
