We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
