Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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