totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
