yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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