just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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