I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
where am i from again
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
