I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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