dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
