i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
