were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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