people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
