I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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