My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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