Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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