I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
