I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
