Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
