who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I looked at my own cervix.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
