we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
