My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
