I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
