No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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