I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize