He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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