God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
