I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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