All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
