I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
