omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
