Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
