i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
