Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
