Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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