It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
