Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
