have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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