Christians are straight up FREAKS
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
