I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
