Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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