I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
too bad you live with your parents still
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
