I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sponge bath it is.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
