okay pat passed out under dana's car
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
