is wine microwaveable?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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