Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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