i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
